Suicide Is A State Of Mind

Suicide is a state of mind
A rotten place to be confined
“Oh, come on! You’re not serious…
You’re just fucking delirious!”

I argue with me, debating
Breaking through my armored plating
Way past the time when I once cared
My chest ripped open, my soul bared

My nerves all raw and bloody-wet
I still don’t know what love is yet
Lie in my bed of broken glass
My lust’s still taunting…“What an ass!”

Baffled, befuddled, bemused
People are born just to be used
Suicide’s a state of being
Once you’ve gone there, there’s no fleeing

Our punishment we all must have
“Cut me first, then apply the salve
Don’t waste time with idle thinking
Can’t you see your ship is sinking?”

Indignant, infuriated, incensed
How long will I keep justice fenced?
Til I’m dead, or resurrected?
Or just until death’s perfected?

Suicide’s a state living
Fucking harsh and unforgiving
Clawing, scratching, always fighting
Thought death would be more inviting

Stand on the ledge, right at the edge
I make an oath, one final pledge
But I’ve no heart on which to swear
And no one knows I’m standing there

I spread my wings and finally fly
But there’s no rhyme or reason why
I turn my face up, “Don’t look down!”
Then take a step where there’s no ground

For one second I’m suspended
My life is not quite yet ended
Then comes the last bitter regret
A second before my maker’s met

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Published by: The Poet Darkling

The Poet Darkling is an award-winning poet, lyricist, author, editor, and freelance writer. She is currently working on her fifth poetry and monologue anthology, as well as her memoirs. In 2013, The Poet Darkling had the distinct honor of writing an introduction and closing poem for the short story anthology, “Broken Spokes along the Way,” by author Vance R. Farrell. She is also an esteemed member of several writer’s groups, including Writers-Network, and All Poetry, and was featured in the All Poetry anthology “Rewrite Sunlight” in 2017. Born in Chicago, Illinois, The Poet Darkling currently resides in Northeast Tennessee with her family, her pet black widow spider (whom she calls “Walter”), her imaginary muse (whom she hasn’t named), and her many diverse personalities. Since her childhood, The Poet Darkling has survived all manner of physical and sexual abuse, as well as mental illness, drug addiction, and long-term homelessness, and her poetry reflects this. With a steady voice, diverse subject matter, and the singular intent of helping others not only survive the darkness, but thrive there. The Poet Darkling appeals to a wide range of readers. She speaks for the traumatized soldier, the weary mother, the confused teen, the abandoned senior, the disenfranchised minority, the serial killer, and anyone who has suffered heartbreak, addiction, abuse, mental illness, and even the sting of death – and all in perfect rhyme and meter…or not. Following her own doctrine of “Live first; learn later,” The Poet Darkling is currently working on her M.A. in Creative Writing/English, with a concentration in Poetry at Southern New Hampshire University, where she also earned her B.A. in Creative Writing, with a concentration in Poetry and a minor in Professional Writing, graduating summa cum laude in 2017. The Poet Darkling is proud to be a member of the Sigma Tau Delta (Alpha Pi Psi) and Alpha Sigma Lambda (Sigma Psi) honor societies. When she is not writing, or plotting her bid for Poet Laureate of the United States, The Poet enjoys talking to herself, wandering around aimlessly and poking dead critters with sticks.

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