Abuse

Tempted by promises of love
I went willingly to your bed
Unaware that your words were lies
And that I was being mislead

I was starving for affection
And was so naïve in my youth
Believed the lies spilt by your tongue
As if they were the gospel truth

The first time that you blacked my eye
You made a liar out of me
I covered up your abuses
So that nobody else could see

And then I quickly forgave you
When you apologized that night
You said you would do anything
You had to do to make it right

The next few times went the same way
You’d say “sorry” and I would cry
You’d tell me it was my own fault
When I’d ask you to tell me why

You convinced me I was worthless
Who else could love someone like me?
Erased any inclination
I might have had on getting free

Then from there the beatings worsened
As your temper remained unchecked
You’d hit and hurl insults
Until I lost all self respect

As all my self-esteem faded
Your power over me would grow
Still I defended the doctrine
You reinforced with every blow

I thought the abuse was better
Than being unloved and alone
And the hell I knew was better
Than any hell that was unknown

But I’ve finally learned my lesson
With the last beating that you gave
You will never hurt me again
Today they laid me in my grave

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Published by: The Poet Darkling

The Poet Darkling is an award-winning poet, lyricist, author, editor, and freelance writer. She is currently working on her fifth poetry and monologue anthology, as well as her memoirs. In 2013, The Poet Darkling had the distinct honor of writing an introduction and closing poem for the short story anthology, “Broken Spokes along the Way,” by author Vance R. Farrell. She is also an esteemed member of several writer’s groups, including Writers-Network, and All Poetry, and was featured in the All Poetry anthology “Rewrite Sunlight” in 2017. Born in Chicago, Illinois, The Poet Darkling currently resides in Northeast Tennessee with her family, her pet black widow spider (whom she calls “Walter”), her imaginary muse (whom she hasn’t named), and her many diverse personalities. Since her childhood, The Poet Darkling has survived all manner of physical and sexual abuse, as well as mental illness, drug addiction, and long-term homelessness, and her poetry reflects this. With a steady voice, diverse subject matter, and the singular intent of helping others not only survive the darkness, but thrive there. The Poet Darkling appeals to a wide range of readers. She speaks for the traumatized soldier, the weary mother, the confused teen, the abandoned senior, the disenfranchised minority, the serial killer, and anyone who has suffered heartbreak, addiction, abuse, mental illness, and even the sting of death – and all in perfect rhyme and meter…or not. Following her own doctrine of “Live first; learn later,” The Poet Darkling is currently working on her M.A. in Creative Writing/English, with a concentration in Poetry at Southern New Hampshire University, where she also earned her B.A. in Creative Writing, with a concentration in Poetry and a minor in Professional Writing, graduating summa cum laude in 2017. The Poet Darkling is proud to be a member of the Sigma Tau Delta (Alpha Pi Psi) and Alpha Sigma Lambda (Sigma Psi) honor societies. When she is not writing, or plotting her bid for Poet Laureate of the United States, The Poet enjoys talking to herself, wandering around aimlessly and poking dead critters with sticks.

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